The Second Maurader Generation
by TheMauradersMap17
Summary: What do you think? The second Maurader generation!
1. Umbridge

**Author's Note:**

**This fanfic will be about Ways to Annoy/Prank/Do To People. I have a feeling I won't do very well though-this is my second fanfiction… so review if you think it's good, and review if you think it's bad. Please give me advice! Thanks!**

* * *

How to Annoy/Prank Umbridge, by Harry Potter, Hermione Granger, Ron Weasley, Fred Weasley, and George Weasley

1) Lock her in a room with an angry Hagrid.

_HG: Nice one, Harry! _

_HP: Thanks, Hermione._

_HG: But don't give Hagrid this idea._

_HP: Nooo! Why?_

2) Lock her in a room with an angry Buckbeak.

_DM: Wait until my father hears about this! _

3) Lock her in a room with fully-grown Blast-Ended Skrewts (the more the better).

4) Lock her in a room with an angry herd of centaurs.

5) Lock her in a room with all of the above.

6) Drop a niffler on her while she is wearing all her jewelry (which probably totals five thousand three hundred and two).

_FW: Plus five million, five thousand fifty-six._

7) Drop Grawp on her, therefore squishing her.

8) Turn her into a toad and bounce her around the Ministry of Magic.

_HG: Add "in front of Cornelius Fudge". _

8) Turn her into a toad and bounce her around the Ministry of Magic in front of Cornelius Fudge.

_HG: Add "and turn Fudge into a fly and make her eat him"._

8) Turn her into a toad and bounce her around the Ministry of Magic in front of Cornelius Fudge and turn Fudge into a fly and make her eat him.

_HG: Add "and then she realises what she just ate and throws Fudge up and Fudge sacks her"._

8) Turn her into a toad and bounce her around the Ministry of Magic in front of Cornelius Fudge and turn Fudge into a fly and make her eat him and then she realises what she just ate and throws Fudge up and Fudge sacks her.

_HG: Good. Now correct all the grammar mistakes._

8) Turn her into a toad and-_ RW: Hermione! I feel like a house elf!_

_HG: *raises eyebrows*_

_RW: It's a figure of speech! And Harry, can you correct the grammar mistakes that Hermione made purposely and made me correct?_

_HP: ... Okay. _

8) Turn her into a toad, then bounce her around the Ministry of Magic, also known as in front of Cornelius Fudge. Then, turn Fudge into a fly and make her eat him. After she swallows Fudge, then tell her what she just said, which upon hearing she will throw up a restored Fudge with a few flies she had eaten just before him. Finally, Fudge sacks her.

_HG: Better._

_HP: My hand feels sore..._

9) Set off the maximum amount of Dr. Filibuster's Wet-Start Fireworks that Hogwarts can possibly hold and replace her wand with a malfunctioning one that is only able to cast "evanesco" and "stupefy" and when cast, will cast the spell with the power of ten of that spell.

_FW: Thank you, Harry-_

_GW: for using our idea-_

_FW: to further humiliate-_

_GW: our dear Professor._

10) Send her a lovely new Blood Quill disguised as a regular quill.

11) Send her really, really, really undiluted bubotuber pus.

_HG: That'll teach her (and most importantly, Rita Skeeter)!_

12) Tell Rita Skeeter rumours that Umbridge has a child and Fudge is the dad.

_HP: Isn't that a bit... cruel?_

_HG: Umbridge and Fudge are evil enough and Umbridge does show a lot of affection for Fudge._

_RW: Now that's just wrong._

13) Tell her her father is You-Know-Who.

_HP: Haha, Ron._

_RW: You're welcome._

14) Give her U-No-Poo.

_MW: Fred, I forbid you to do that!_

_RW: Don't worry, Mum-they know exactly what they're doing._

15) Tell her that her mum gave her up for adoption because she was too ugly.

_MW: Ronald! _

_RW: Mum, it_ is _true._

* * *

On Monday morning, Umbridge woke up to find a few owls on the windowsill, carrying a few packages. She curiously opened the first one. Inside was a quill. She thought, "Excellent. My quill just snapped. This is a perfect replacement." She put it on her desk and decided to open her other packages later._  
_

The school morning was unexciting, apart from Harry Potter getting another detention from her for five thirty for spreading ridiculous rumours about You-Know-Who _again_. After lunch, for some reason she had to go to the loo. To her horror, she was constipated. She stormed out of the bath-room, not knowing that two identical teenagers were spying on her from behind a column, laughing their heads off (silently, of course. No one would want Umbridge catching them, would they?).

During Harry Potter's detention, she dusted off her new quill and started correcting her students' essays. She didn't notice Harry sneaking a glance and hiding a snigger. She wrote, "I am disgusted that you are my student." As soon as she finished, she felt a searing pain across her hand. She screamed, "MY HAND IS ON FIRE! AHHHH!" On and on and on. Professors Snape and McGonagall rushed in the office.

Professor McGonagall said angrily, "Umbridge, you are disturbing about two hundred and fifty-six students! You should know better than that. I will tell Albus." She added some more words under her breath, "Finally she will get sacked, and Fudge can do nothing about it."

Umbridge shrieked, "This is not my fault! I was just correcting my students' essays and my hand started hurting!"

Professor McGonagall stared at her. "You are raving," she said. Before sweeping out of the room, Harry made sure she and Snape saw the Blood-Quill-disguised-as-a-regular-quill he was holding and winked.

At dinner, Ron ran up to Umbridge. "Professor, your mother has been found. She says she gave you up for adoption."

Umbridge narrowed her eyes. "And why, Weasley, are you telling me this?"

"She said to!" Ron faked trembling in fear. "She said you were too ugly! And she said that You-Know-Who is your father. She proved it." He held up a vial of red liquid. Umbridge's eyes widened, and she fainted. The rest of the Great Hall started cheering wildly (including the teachers). In a corner, Rita Skeeter saw the whole thing. She was excited. "This will make the front page of the Daily Prophet!" she scribbled everything down on her parchment.

Meanwhile, Ron said, "Ennervate!" Umbridge stirred. Cornelius Fudge ran down the Great Hall.

"What happened?" he cried. "Why is Dolores like this? What happened?"

Umbridge sat up. "Fudge, I just dreamt that my mother said she gave me up for adoption because I was too ugly, and that You-Know-Who is my father."

Cornelius stared at her. "Weasley, contact the Healers at St. Mungo's." The Great Hall cheered.

Hermione smiled.

Her turn.

She started looking for Rita on the Mauraders' Map. She found Rita's dot, and made her way toward the corner. "Rita, I just found out from on of the Healers that Dolores Umbridge is pregnant with Cornelius Fudge's baby."

Rita stared at her. Then, in an instant, she had her quill out. "Thanks, Granger!" she scribbled everything down.

Hermione ran back to the Gryffindor table. "Done," she whispered to the rest of the group. Harry and Ron smirked. They couldn't wait for the next day.

The next day, at breakfast, the morning owls started arriving. Hermione took off her copy of the Daily Prophet. It read, "SENIOR UNDERSECRETARY SECRETS REVEALED." The contents read, "On the eighteenth of May, the Senior Undersecretary to the Minister, Dolores Umbridge, fainted at dinner. She was rushed to St. Mungo's Hospital, and now is hospitalised after Healers declared she has become paranoid. A witness at the scene informed us that the Healers found out that the Senior Undersecretary was expecting a baby. And guess who the father is? Cornelius Fudge, no less!" Harry, Hermione, Ron, Fred, and George smiled.

Mischief managed.


	2. The Insane Lord

**Hai! This story is slowly getting crazier and crazier... I double updated! Since there wasn't any Wifi at my house I just went ahead.  
**

* * *

**Chapter Two: The Insane Lord**

How to Prank Lord Voldemort

1) Send him hair conditioner

2) Give him U-No-Poo

3) Offer him the DADA Post, then refuse to give it to him.

4) Give him a potion of Insanity.

5) Make him drunk.

* * *

Voldemort was doing his favourite activity-well, second favourite activity, killing and torturing Muggles, in a playground in Wales. "Crucio! Crucio! Crucio! Crucio!"  
After an hour or so, he stopped and took a break. Yes, even the all-powerful Voldemort takes a break. Anyway, he was sitting on a bench,and to not waste any time, he started doing his favourite activity-planning Harry Potter's murder. As he was feverishly writing down a list, an owl swooped down, dropped a letter on the bench, took one look at Voldemort, sqwaked, and started flying away as fast as his poor wings could fly. Voldemort read the letter. It said, "Congratulations, Mr. Lord Voldemort! You have won a free potion for eternal life!" Enclosed was a potion. An insane smile spread across his face worthy of Barty Crouch Jr. He drank the potion quickly, then leapt up and started setting the trees on fire, jinxed the birds, and made giant craters in the ground, and reduced the fountain to a mixture of dust and water, among other things. He shouted, "OH YEAH! OH YEAH! OH YEAH!"

A thousand miles away, in Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, a certain Severus Snape heard the Dark Lord yelling. He immediately Apparated to the scene and had to give Voldemort a Calming Draught. But that wasn't enough, so the poor Professsor had to go all the way back to the castle, brew a Calming Draught that took three hours, then go back, which by then the scene-and everything ten miles from it- resembled a disaster scene. The poor, poor Professor Apparated twenty miles away, where he found the Dark Lord, or shall we say the Insane Lord now, pigging out on pastries, croissants, etc. desserts with the quantity which even Ron weasley would gag at, and that's saying a lot. Suddenly, the worse dilemma came: "I need to use the bath-room." Snape gulped. He quickly Apparated back to Hogwarts, where thankfully, no one would be eating more than Ronald Weasley and stating bluntly that they needed to use the loo. Meanwhile, Voldemort was giggling like a teenage girl and was stumbling as he made his way toward a bush. Thankfully, he was decent enough to conceal himself in the then found out something: He was constipated. However, he had the exact opposite reaction of other, more sane people. He yelled, "YES! YES! YES! I'M CONSTIPATED! I'M THE LUCKIEST WIZARD ALIVE!" Then he set fire to his bush. Which he was in. He cast "Aguamenti" and he, and the bush, were drenched. The poor bush would die the next day. He was still grinning crazily.

After three hours, the potion of Insanity wore off, and Voldemort found himself covered in soot stains and burns all over his body. He yelled angrily and started setting fire to everything again. Then an owl dropped a package on Voldemort's poor head. Voldemort screamed and threw the package on the ground. A bottle of hair conditioner rolled out. He screamed in fury and insanity and threw the hair conditioner on the ground, which broke and splattered Voldemort with bits of glass and hair conditioner.

Then Professor Vector popped in front of him."The headmaster asks you if you would like to take the post of Defense Against the Dark Arts, sir." Voldemort shot up. "YES! I'll take it!" He looked at the Professor eagerly. Said person looked at Voldemort warily. "Uh, never mind..." Voldemort stared at her. Everything began to sink in. "NOOOOO!" He yelled. He started destroying everything. Professor Vector quickly Apparated back to the boundaries of Hogwarts, and not a moment too soon. Voldemort screamed in fury, and at the end of two hours, half of Wales was a disaster scene. That was where the Aurors found him, and he was immediately and permanently sent to St. Mungo's, where he married Dolores Umbridge and had insane kids that had insane kids.

THE END


	3. Professor Minnie McGonagall

**Chapter Two: Professor Minnie McGonagall**

-call her Minnie

"Hey Minnie!"

Professor McGonagall groaned mentally. How many times had she told them not to call her MINNIE?

"Yes, Potter?"

"I was wondering, can we call you Minnie?"

"Absolutely not, Potter."

"Whatever you say, Minnie!"

Professor McGonagall put her head in her hands.

* * *

In Transfiguration, James and Sirius stood on their desks.

"Minnie, Minnie, Minnie Minnie Minnie,

teach us something please,

whether we be old or young with scabby knees..."

McGonagall put her head in her hands. She said, muffled, "Five points from Gryffindor."

* * *

McGonagall was walking along a corridor when she heard two students talking. Two _very familiar_ teenagers. "Say, Prongs, have you studied for the Transfiguration test?"

"Nah, I already know all that stuff."

"We could ask Minnie to teach us some advanced Transfiguration..."

Professor McGonagall lost it. She exploded. Into millions of itsy-bitsy-pieces. No, that's not what happened. What happened was that she woke up in her bed and it was all a dream. No, that's not what happened either. What really happened was that she stormed up to them and said, "Five million points from Gryffindor!" James and Sirius ran away in shame and became hobos. Just kidding. So what really happened was she walked up to them. "Ten points from Gryffindor for calling me Minnie!"

"But Minnie..."

"Don't call me Minnie!"

"Whatever you say, Minnie."

The Professor had to run down to the Hospital Wing and get a Calming Draught from Madam Pomphrey.

* * *

At seven thirty, James Potter and Sirius Black walked into her office. "Good evening, Professor Minnie!" Professor McGonagall sighed. "Detention is canceled." The two boys exchanged a look.

"Are you not feeling well, Professor Minnie?"

"Are you feeling sick, Professor Minnie?"

"Should we take you to the Hospital Wing, Professor Minnie?'

"No! I am perfectly fine. As I said, detention is canceled."

...

"Should we take you to St. Mungo's, Professor Minnie?"

Professor Minnie McGonagall fainted.

...

"Do you think she will be all right?"

"I don't know, maybe we should take her to the Hospital Wing."

They Levitated her to the Hospital Wing.

Madam Pomphrey shrieked, "What happened?"

James said hastily, "Professor Minnie here just canceled our detention and we thought she might not be feeling quite well, and then she fainted."

Madam Pomphrey stared at McGonagall's unconscious body. Clearly she also thought Professor Minnie was not feeling well. She levitated the Professor onto a hospital bed. After a few minutes, Professor McGonagall stirred. She opened her eyes and sat up.

"Are you feeling all right, Professor Minnie?"

Professor Minnie groaned.

* * *

**Who do you want me to do next? PM me!**

**1) Remus Lupin**

**2) Ron Weasley**

**3) Molly Weasley**

**4) Cornelius Fudge**

**5) Anyone else you might want me to do...**

**If you have ideas for ways to prank/annoy anyone from Harry Potter, then you can PM me and I will add it if I think it's good.**


	4. Furry Little Choco

**Give Me My Chocolate Back!**

Remus was-and had been for the last day, eighteen hours, six minutes, and fourty-seven seconds-frantically rummaging through his trunk. His supply of chocolate had mysteriously disappeared the day before. Sirius watched Remus amusedly. "Come on, Remus, you can just buy more on the next Hogsmeade visit."  
"But that's in three weeks! And I just got it two days ago!" Remus whined. He thought for a moment. "It was free too. Besides, I can't survive without chocolate, you know that." He noticed Sirius smirking. "What?" he asked, suspicious. Sirius' smirk grew bigger and bigger. "What?" he demanded. Sirius waved a bar of Honeydukes chocolate in front of him. "Hey, that's my chocolate!" Sirius smirked his biggest and threw it in his mouth. Remus leapt up, and Sirius ran down the stairs of the boys' dormitories with an extremely furious furry little friend. "SIRIUS BLACK! YOU IDIOT!"  
Sirius called over his shoulder, "That's my job!"  
Dumbledore and McGonagall amusedly watched the two Mauraders run by. "Give me back my chocolate!"  
"Not in a million years!"  
On the school grounds, Sirius disappeared around a corner of a bush. Remus followed, but when he turned the corner, no one was there. "Sirius?" Then someone pushed Remus into the lake. Remus screamed as he fell in the extremely icy water. Gasping and spluttering, he broke the surface. Grinning down at him was Sirius.  
"Get me out!" Sirius stuck out his hand. Remus pulled him in. Sirius screamed very girlishly as he, too, fell in the lake. "My hair!" Sirius came up sopping wet, his hair plastered to his face and his hands grabbing his hair. "No!" Sirius groaned. "I spent two hours, two hours, to brush my awesome and sexy hair, and you just have to mess it up for me!"  
Sirius noticed Remus smirking.  
"Stop smirking!"  
Remus' smirk grew bigger.

**Lesson: Never steal Remus' chocolate.**


	5. Butterflies, Ronnie, and Girls

**Sunshine72, Sorry, I don't have Molly Weasley in this update, but I will have it in the next update!**

**Disclaimer: I do not own any of this, except for the mirror that you will find out about. Besides, J. K. Rowling isn't eleven.**

* * *

**Butterflies, Ronnie, and Girls**

How to Annoy Ron Weasley

-send him spiders

-call him Ickle Ronniekins or Ronnie

-mistake him for Ginny

* * *

**I Why can't it be follow the butterflies?**  
"Ron. Ron? Ron!... RONALD WEASLEY?"  
Ron shook out of his stupor. "Huh?"  
"Pigwidgeon." Harry held out the fluffy minute owl.  
"Oh, Pig." Ron muttered, " It's still a stupid name." He took the package. He read the label and frowned. "Why would Fred and George send something to me through owl post? They could just give it to me," he frowned, looking toward the corner Fred and George were sitting in. Still slightly disturbed, he opened the package and peered inside. Then- "Aargh! Gerroff me!" Ron flailed around, trying to remove the spiders that had latched onto his face. His expression was one of pure fear. "HARRY!" Harry looked toward the same corner, where Fred and George were Rolling On the Floor Laughing-literally. A bit amused, Harry walked over to Ron and started picking the spiders off the redhead's red face.

* * *

**II Don't call me Ronnie**

"Hello, Ronnie!"  
"You should be at St. Mungo's right now."  
"And why would that be, Ronnie?"  
"Don't call me Ronnie!"  
"You still haven't answered our question, Ronnie."  
"I said, don't call me Ronnie!"  
"Dear me, Ronnie. You should be in St. Mungo's-"  
"What with-"  
"-all your-"  
"-anger issues. Let it-"  
"-out. People a million miles away can't hear you yet, -"  
"-Ronnie."  
"DON'T CALL ME RONNIE!"

**III I am not going out with Dean Thomas!**

Fred: "Do you know where Dean is?" Ron: "No, why?"  
Fred: *surprised* "I thought you would know, dating him and all."  
Ron: "WHAT? I am not-not-not gay!"  
Fred: *confused* "Huh? Of course you're not, Ginny! You're a girl!"  
Ron: "... I'm not Ginny."  
Fred: "Sure you aren't. Look in the mirror if you're not sure." *whips out a mirror*  
Ron: "What... AHHH! WHY DO I LOOK LIKE GINNY?******" *runs away screaming*

****** the mirror was one of Fred and George's joke stuff.


	6. Molly Weasley

Molly Weasley...

I Fred and George are the death of me!

"Mum?" Ginny's excited voice filled the kitchen.

"Yes, dear?" Molly said absentmindedly, while her mind was on cooking porridge.

"Fred and George just sent me the best presents ever!"

"Very nice, Ginny." Molly murmured, stirring the porridge with her wand. Then she noticed an absolutely outrageous conflict. "WHAT? Did you say _Fred and George_?"\

"Um, yes, Mum..."

"And what did they send you?!"  
"A fake wand! It's amazing!"

"_WHAT_?"

Meanwhile-

Fred and George piled their plates with food just as the morning post arrived. Errol swooped down and dropped a red envelope on Fred's plate and took off-it's amazing how an owl can get so old in only three years. George cheerfully picked it up without a care in the world, and opened it. The voice of Molly Weasley, magnified probably a million sixty thousand times louder than her usual shout, brought forth sentences of raging and "TERRIBLE INFLUENCE TO YOUR SISTER"'s.

Back at the Burrow-

_Dear Mum,_

_ We have listened to your wonderful, amazing Howler and we must say, we're thankful for our mother acknowledge our gift to Ginny. It is a miracle, we must say. _

_Fred and George_

Molly read the letter in her hands with disbelief. Finally, she cracked.

"AARGH!"

She blew up. The end.

**I know that Fred and George probably haven't invented their fake wands yet, but I put it anyways...**


End file.
